I've decided what to do.

About three weeks ago I wrote a post called “Trying to decide what to do.” and I got some nice comments on the subreddit /r/Entrepreneur/ encouraging me to just take a break and come back at the business later, and at the time that sounded good, but then I thought about it.  For the past three weeks I’ve been thinking about my business and my personal life and tonight I came to a final decision, I’m done I want a stable job with a company where I don’t have to constantly worry about where my next paycheck is coming from and where that paycheck actually gives me enough to live on.

See I’ve been looking at my money and right now I’m in debt up to my eye balls, I need to get brakes on my car (which if I can’t drive I can’t work since I drive for a living), gas prices are going up and will keep going up, and in the end I’d have to take on a massive amount of debt for my business to even have a slight chance of building a shipping business that could compete with the already established companies.  And seeing how I know of three small time shipping companies that have either gone out of business or are getting ready to, it’s not logical to take on a massive amount of debt to get into a dying market.

Then there’s my personal life, I’m in a relationship and we’d like to move in together some time soon and right now I can’t even afford half of a $500 rent, not to mention utilities, food, and all the things you need.  And there’s the fact that I lay awake worrying about how I’m going to pay bills and generate business so I have to use a sleep aid every day just to be able to sleep a few hours, so that’s not good for my health.  And speaking of health, I can’t afford to pay for health insurance like the government mandates so that’s another worry for me, if I get hurt I’ll be paying that debt for the rest of my life.  And then there’s the fact that I look at the people in my life, their doing great things, getting married, buying their first house, starting families, being happy, and then I look at what I’d doing, I’m still living with my mom, I’m miserable, and not happy with where I’m at with my life.

So after thinking about all this for the past three weeks I’ve made a final decision, I’m going to get a job with a company and then never go back to depending on my own unproven business as my sole source of income.  Now I will keep my business open on the side, I’ll sell a little online, try and generate some ad revenue, and blog about tech, and as long as I can spend one or two hours AFTER work at my 9 to 5 job every day working on it and bringing in enough money to cover the expenses and give me a little extra spending money then fine, it will be a side project.  Some people paint, some people garden, I’ll just run a little side business with no intention of ever trying to make a living from it, this way I can enjoy it and not come to hate the business like I do now.  And if ;it doesn’t make enough money to cover the expenses and I have to take money out of my own pocket to keep it going then it’s getting shut down.

So there you have it, I want a career with a real company that can provide me with the security and stability that I can’t get being self-employed, and once I have that my business will be a hobby that will come after work and family.  That’s my decision and it’s final.